TITLE: FanGirl
GENRE: YA Contemporary
Fangirl Ruby Miller’s life veers off course when her amateur video goes viral in the Zocopalyse graphic novel fandom. Ruby finds herself cast as iconic zombie hunter Alexandra in the television adaptation of the novel. Faster than the director can say, “Action,” she’s caught in a showmance with Hollywood’s hottest actor, hiding from the paparazzi and trying to find the real Ruby inside a fictional world.
I am trying to figure out where the conflict is. The last line 'trying to find the real Ruby inside a fictional world' stumps me a bit because we don't have you telling us she's lost herself. And hiding from the paparazzi doesn't feel like a strong enough antagonistic force to hold a novel up. "veers off course" is a bit cliched. I think it can be better. And I feel the same way about 'Faster than the director can say, 'Action'.
ReplyDeleteThe idea seems interesting, but I am missing the connection between al these things and feel it is missing a 'conflict'.
I like how you immediately set up the world for us. So the conflict is that she's not being true to herself? Doesn't want to be famous? Doesn't like the hot actor? It leads me to not think sympathetically of Ruby. I think the "problem" needs to be tweaked a little so we're still on Ruby's side.
ReplyDeleteThere seems to be a bit too much going on here. It's all great to have these things in the narrative of your novel, but I think the logline can be cut down to just give us Ruby's dilemma and what the stakes are.
ReplyDeleteThe "showmance" thing kinda didn't sit well with me, but then I may not be the target audience either ;)
I like the idea though, really cool and I can see it having a huge audience!
You have a great, great start here. That said, there is a lot of information here. The first sentence could stop after "viral" because the rest tripped me up. You can also cut the zombie hunter's name, it isn't necessary here.
ReplyDeleteI love the fun voice but have trouble finding the main conflict and tension. Try putting a little more focus on that and I think you really might have something here. Good luck.
WOW! This logline totally ROCKED ME! There is definitely a ton of story going on, but I feel the energy and the passion you've put into it, big-time! Love the title, too!
ReplyDeleteGREAT STUFF! THANK YOU FOR CREATING THIS!!
This is unusual (which is great). I don't think you need the first sentence. The rest of the logline says it all.
ReplyDeleteI was so hooked until that very last sentence. I love me some zombie books by the way.
ReplyDeleteI am thinking I lost interest a little because you started talked about her finding herself, but never mentioned her losing herself before. It kind of changed my opinion of her a tad with this line.
So I'm guessing that the inciting incident is the casting in the television show. If so, you need to get here faster and then you need to tell us what this makes her do. You need a tangible goal here and "finding herself" is not one (and if it was, the showmance and paparazzi wouldn't be direct conflicts to it). Is she trying to get out of her role? Or does she want to keep it but the showmance and paparazzi are ruining things for her?
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Holly
I think you can condense the first sentence a bit and get to the inciting event sooner. "When Ruby Miller's video of a graphic novel goes viral, she finds herself cast as the zombie hunter in the television adaptation." From there, clarify what her goal is and the obtacle that prevents her from reaching it (staying true to herself in Hollywood?).
ReplyDeleteI really like your set up, because the graphic novel aspect makes it different. Just tighten up the end to hook the reader a bit more.
Yes! I really like this. The only thing that stumped me was the word "fandom" - I don't know what that is.
ReplyDeleteOtherwise I thought this was great.
Sounds like a fun novel!
ReplyDeleteIn your logline, I'd try to make the conflict clearer.