Thursday, October 21, 2010

Logline Critique Session One: #13

TITLE: IN AN INSTANT
GENRE: contemporary romance

An aspiring concert pianist is tricked by a friend into delivering a 'Dear John' letter to a man she's always worshiped from afar.

13 comments:

  1. This is a good start to a logline, but I think you're missing an important part. You don't tell us what the stakes are.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'd delete "always" for a stronger impact, but other than that, this is the first one that's drawn me in. (and I hated my piano lessons, so good job)

    ReplyDelete
  3. This sounds like the first of two sentences. When I read "contemporary romance" as the Genre, I sort of mentally filled in the rest. I'm assuming the entire book isn't about the delivery of that letter - just that the letter kicks off the events of the book. What's the conflict and stakes for the whole book?

    ReplyDelete
  4. I liked the delivery of the letter as the inciting incident. Now I'd like to know what the conflict and stakes are.

    ReplyDelete
  5. oh, too little info. I need something that pulls me in and I don't see it here.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I like it enough to comment. But, I agree that some more detail on what happens after the plot catalyst occurs.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Agree. This is an interesting inciting incident but there is no goal, no conflict and no consequences. Also, the main character must choose to enter the conflict so I'd be careful about implying that her goal is something she is tricked into.

    ReplyDelete
  8. No stakes. And who's love letter? Is it the friends or the pianists.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Great intro sentence, now I want to know what happens when she delivers the letter - what are the stakes?

    ReplyDelete
  10. Good start, but I agree that it needs more. What are the stakes?

    ReplyDelete
  11. And?

    We need more. Delivering the letter results in what? Which leads to what? It's just not enough.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thou I don't quite understand where the concert pianist part plays in this story, the fact she was tricked by a friend to deliver such a thing is interesting enough to want to see how the story plays out.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Agree with the rest, though I like the premise of being set in the concert pianist world - an interesting set-up I haven't seen before. But, how does being a concert pianist connect with delivering a letter? Also, what kind of friend tricks you like this?

    ReplyDelete