TITLE: Book of the Baba Yaga
GENRE: Middle reader fantasy
Sam has suggested looking for Eli's missing twin brother.
"Sam, you know if we get caught we'll be expelled."
Well, Sam had definitely not known that, otherwise she wouldn't have made the suggestion. She opened her mouth and shut it. Eli looked like Christmas had come early, and she didn't want to disappoint him. "We'll be careful," she said finally.
Eli gripped her arms more tightly and Sam moved closer to him. "I'll bring a cell phone," she said, strengthening her resolve. "We can always call my dad if we get in trouble."
Eli pulled her into him, his eyes blazing, and Sam's heart stood still. Was he going to kiss her? He seemed like he might. Her first kiss. Her first kiss! She closed her eyes and held her breath. His lips brushed hers, briefly -
"Elijah!" a voice rang out and they jumped apart like jackrabbits. Sam smoothed her hair, turned, and let out her breath in a rush of frustrated annoyance and fear. Dr. Dante, still wearing his running clothes and clutching a sweating bottle of water, had come up behind them and was glaring at them with a murderous countenance. "Young man, what do you think you're doing?"
Eli flushed. "Nothing, sir."
"Don't you know this is how trouble begins?" Dr. Dante was gripping his water bottle so tightly his knuckles turned white. "Don't you know you could lose your honor? Respect? Your place in the Academy?"
Nice. I like how you pulled-out the characters and highlighted them here. I don't know that I'd change anything.
ReplyDeleteNice kiss - very appropriate for MG, and it felt realistic. :)
ReplyDeleteA great kiss for an MG Fantasy. Love the part where they get caught too. Haven't we all been there?
ReplyDeleteVery nice writing. I like "Eli looked like Christmas had come early" and "She closed her eyes and held her breath." It feels real.
ReplyDeleteI was worried about a kiss in MG but you totally handled it right. This is my favorite kiss scene from #50 down to yours.
ReplyDeleteI loved the little freak-out she had before he kissed her. It wasn't too much but it gave me those nervous butterflies. ^_^
ReplyDeleteI wasn't as keen on the "sweating bottle of water," because I didn't follow that, and "murderous countenance." It's probably because I use countenance in my writing WAY too often, and now I'm on a search-and-destroy mission. I thought "murderous look" was fine--countenance kind of made me stumble.
Anyway, great entry! I'm very curious about this Academy. :)
Great job-perfect for MG! Love the jack rabbits...my heart was racing in sympathy. Gotta agree with the murderous countenance. It took me out of the story. Everything else was spot on! :o)
ReplyDelete*lets out a sigh* That was so cute and sweet. Innocent love. You did a fabulous job showing this kiss in MG. I enjoyed reading this and thought it was fantastic. I bet Sam will never forget her first kiss! And Dad had to bust it up. Darn the timing. Excellent job!
ReplyDeleteThe teacher is someone I love to hate - very well done and very MG.
ReplyDelete