TITLE: QUEEN OF SWORDS
GENRE: SF Romance
Ophelia just jumped what she thought was an attacker in her rooms, only to find herself pinned to the floor by Boone, her former kidnapper.
Boone's grip loosened, his thumbs playing along the inside of her wrists. She tried and failed to hold back her shiver. "Stop that."
"You don't like it?"
That wasn't the problem and he knew it. "You're sending me home." Had she just said that out loud? Oops.
"You're going home."
She couldn't see his face in the darkness, but his breath ghosted across her lips. Close, very close. "This isn't smart."
"Probably not."
He shifted and then his tongue traced along the shell of her ear, making her eyes cross. "You don't even like me."
"Only most the time."
That surprised a laugh out of her. Then his lips were on hers and there were no more words. She wanted to throw herself into the kiss, full speed ahead, but Boone kept it light, nipping along her bottom lip before he finally took it to the depth she wanted. He licked the inside of her mouth like he wanted to memorize her taste, but Ophelia was so busy giving him the same treatment, she didn't have time to think about it.
And, Lady, he tasted amazing.
I like the characters, but the conversation sort of seems like no one is finishing their thoughts. But it's really a cute scene, at least I thought so.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this one. I loved the play of dialogue between them (though I wasn't certain right of the bat that it was her saying: "You don't even like me" until I read the rest).
ReplyDeleteStill... wow.
I almost liked this, but some of the wording wasn't very intriguing. Like 'throw herself into the kiss full speed ahead', took me out of the moment, among other things. Keep working at it. It's an great situation.
ReplyDeleteI like this scene. It works well. Although, I would consider changing "He licked the inside of her mouth." I know what you're trying to say, but it makes me think more of a dog than a kiss.
ReplyDelete'former kidnapper' made me go ew. Stockholm syndrome? It made me not want to like this scene. I hope it's all explained beforehand, why she's friendly with her former kidnapper?
ReplyDeleteHated the licking the inside of her mouth. Ew!
Who's "Lady"?
The licking inside her mouth was a bit much for me. The situation makes enough sense and it seems like the characters are consistent with their actions/responses here.
ReplyDeleteI thought this was pretty good. It was slightly more graphic than I prefer, yet I've read enough to know that lots like that...so it's not really a complaint.
ReplyDeleteI hesitated at first over the kidnapper...but then I realized that there are LOTS of romance genres where it's perfectly acceptable to fall in love with your kidnapper. Like impersonal kidnapping done in battle scenarios. Having kidnapped her in that type of story doesn't make him evil...the falling in love just catches both by surprise.
I really liked the dialogue and interaction between your characters, but you lost me a little when you got to the description of the kiss. 'Licking the inside of her mouth' is more gross than romantic.
ReplyDeleteThe 'of' is missing in "Only most of the time."
And I didn't understand the 'Lady' in the last sentence.
Beware of the cliche of an kidnapping victim falling for her captor. ;-)
ReplyDeleteI liked that you inserted the sensation "taste", that's hard to do but it fits this scene perfectly. Also I have to disagree, the licking inside the mouth is not gross but realistic.
Am I the only one who though the eye crossing thing seemed awkward? Probably because I never see that... It just sounded kind of goofy to me.
ReplyDeleteI'm with most people about the licking part. While realistic, I think it could probably be worded better.
And I took the "Lady" to be like a form of "God" - like "And God he tasted amazing." Or something close to that.