Thursday, March 25, 2010

122 Psychological Drama

TITLE: A Fallen World
GENRE: Psychological Drama


The flashing red lights called to him like a lighthouse to a lost sailor. Michael Bryant rushed toward them, his temples dripping with sweat.

10 comments:

  1. Not hooked. Way to cliche in the first line.

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  2. It's not bad writing, and I wouldn't shut the book just after those words, but maybe the simile is a little much? There are so many stories that begin with chaos and police lights, what's the single sharp detail that makes this one stand out?

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  3. Sorry... I'm not hooked yet. I just am not that crazy about the "like a lighthouse to a lost sailor".

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  4. I agree, I don't like the first sentence

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  5. Not hooked, mainly because of the lighthouse simile. Red flashing lights make for a vivid enough scene without inserting a totally different picture into things.

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  6. I think people aren't liking the cliche approach because the two sentences really can be made shorter and more dramatic.

    ***** raced towards the flashing red lights.

    You really don't need anything else to draw you into the story. Like a newspaper headline. It's a raw punchy way to say "Man Bites Dog"

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  7. The mention of red lights and sailors had me thinking something a bit different. Ahem.

    Based on this, I'm not hooked, but of course I wouldn't normally dismiss a piece after only reading 25 words.

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