Thursday, October 9, 2008

F2S 22

Mama said, "Dry your hair before going to bed."

I didn't listen.

14 comments:

  1. Without knowing which genre I can't say where this is going. Isolated like this, I'm not hooked.

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  2. Mama said, "Dry your hair before going to bed."

    I didn't listen.


    I agree with "just me." This did not grab me at all. I feel like I just landed in the middle of something, completely confused - and a little bored.

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  3. I've gone to bed with wet hair before and never had problems with it. Despite the conflict, I don't feel any jeopardy here. Sorry, it doesn't hook me.

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  4. Going on the assumption that this is a kids book, it didn't hook me. The voice is good for a children's book, but ditto on sandra's comments that there just isn't enough of a conflict in what you've presented to engage me in the MC's plight.

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  5. I agree with Sandra that going to bed with wet hair is not usually a problem for me, but I'm still interested in this--I feel like someone who still calls their mother, "Mama" creates conflict when they don't listen to her.

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  6. I'd read on because I wonder why on earth this is important to the story. Curiosity factor. :)

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  7. It's a curious opening, but I don't understand the problem of going to bed with wet hair.

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  8. I'd read on, out of curiosity, though this did seem a little strange. Maybe have her mother say a word or two about why she shouldn't go to bed with wet hair?

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  9. Nothing to catch my imagination.

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  10. I'd read on only if the next sentence mentioned a consequence (other than funky dried hair) of not listening.

    It does have the right voice for a children's book.

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  11. I like the voice here, and I'm not put off by the vagueness of the conflict. I imagine we'll find out why going to bed with wet hair is a problem in the next sentence. I'd read on (possibly expecting to find a warning about always donning clean underwear before one leaves the house ;-) ).

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  12. I'd read on. I find it interesting in a quirky sort of way. I almost think she's going to get pneumonia or something, or alternatively she will look wild haired on the 1st day of school or something like that.

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  13. Nothing here to grab my attention. Unless the POV character would be a mermaid.

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  14. It didn't really hook me, but I have to say, it's just random enough I would read on to find out what the heck not drying her hair before bed is a conflict in the story. :P

    So it's sorta a yes-no, lol.

    Good luck!

    ~Merc

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