Thursday, October 9, 2008

F2S 22

Mama said, "Dry your hair before going to bed."

I didn't listen.

14 comments:

Just_Me said...

Without knowing which genre I can't say where this is going. Isolated like this, I'm not hooked.

Lady Glamis said...

Mama said, "Dry your hair before going to bed."

I didn't listen.


I agree with "just me." This did not grab me at all. I feel like I just landed in the middle of something, completely confused - and a little bored.

Sandra said...

I've gone to bed with wet hair before and never had problems with it. Despite the conflict, I don't feel any jeopardy here. Sorry, it doesn't hook me.

Lori said...

Going on the assumption that this is a kids book, it didn't hook me. The voice is good for a children's book, but ditto on sandra's comments that there just isn't enough of a conflict in what you've presented to engage me in the MC's plight.

RayLynne said...

I agree with Sandra that going to bed with wet hair is not usually a problem for me, but I'm still interested in this--I feel like someone who still calls their mother, "Mama" creates conflict when they don't listen to her.

Inkblot said...

I'd read on because I wonder why on earth this is important to the story. Curiosity factor. :)

fairchild said...

It's a curious opening, but I don't understand the problem of going to bed with wet hair.

meradeth said...

I'd read on, out of curiosity, though this did seem a little strange. Maybe have her mother say a word or two about why she shouldn't go to bed with wet hair?

jerzegirl said...

Nothing to catch my imagination.

Mary said...

I'd read on only if the next sentence mentioned a consequence (other than funky dried hair) of not listening.

It does have the right voice for a children's book.

disorderly said...

I like the voice here, and I'm not put off by the vagueness of the conflict. I imagine we'll find out why going to bed with wet hair is a problem in the next sentence. I'd read on (possibly expecting to find a warning about always donning clean underwear before one leaves the house ;-) ).

blodwyn said...

I'd read on. I find it interesting in a quirky sort of way. I almost think she's going to get pneumonia or something, or alternatively she will look wild haired on the 1st day of school or something like that.

Luc2 said...

Nothing here to grab my attention. Unless the POV character would be a mermaid.

Merc said...

It didn't really hook me, but I have to say, it's just random enough I would read on to find out what the heck not drying her hair before bed is a conflict in the story. :P

So it's sorta a yes-no, lol.

Good luck!

~Merc