The memories flashing through my mind were not my own. I recognized them, but none of them seemed familiar; like old photographs, they were worn around the edges and a little blurry.
The memories flashing through my mind were not my own. I recognized them, but none of them seemed familiar; like old photographs, they were worn around the edges and a little blurry.
This is a great beginning.
I suggest getting rid of the word "seemed" - it's vague. I would state "I recognized them, but they weren't familiar"
I like the idea of comparing the memories to old photographs - but are old photographs always blurry? That's what it sounds like you're saying, and since I'm a photographer, I didn't like the idea of all old photographs being somehow bad. Just my opinion.
It's an intriguing beginning, but I feel the language pushes the reader away rather than pulling them in. I think more active words (rather than "seemed" and "recognized") might help with that.
Hmm, this felt too internal for me. I don't know whether to feel sorry for the MC, or happy, or scared for them, or what? Is he/she asleep, awake, daydreaming, dying?
I too like the idea, although I agree with Inky that a bit more context would help--and also, not sure how recognizing them but they are unfamiliar works. Still. I'm a sucker for memory issues/mind games so I'd read on a bit more. ;)
The memories flashing through my mind were not my own. I recognized them, but none of them seemed familiar; like old photographs, they were worn around the edges and a little blurry.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great beginning.
I suggest getting rid of the word "seemed" - it's vague. I would state "I recognized them, but they weren't familiar"
I like the idea of comparing the memories to old photographs - but are old photographs always blurry? That's what it sounds like you're saying, and since I'm a photographer, I didn't like the idea of all old photographs being somehow bad. Just my opinion.
Recognized and seemed familiar seem like the same thing to me. I would chose verbs that contrast more.
ReplyDeleteThis would make me want to read on.
ReplyDeleteI would so read on!
ReplyDeleteI like this a lot. Love the imagery. Though old photographs would probably be faded rather than blurry.
ReplyDeleteIt's an intriguing beginning, but I feel the language pushes the reader away rather than pulling them in. I think more active words (rather than "seemed" and "recognized") might help with that.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I'd prefer a little more context before we get to flashing memories, so I can feel something for the character.
ReplyDeleteThat said, there's nothing actually terrible about the opening, and I'm intrigued enough to keep reading.
Hmm, this felt too internal for me. I don't know whether to feel sorry for the MC, or happy, or scared for them, or what? Is he/she asleep, awake, daydreaming, dying?
ReplyDeleteI'd pass; too abstract.
This is confusing to me. How can you recognize something, but have it be unfamilar?
ReplyDeleteI like the description of the old photographs.
I agree with some here that the writing could be a bit tighter, but the premise is fascinating enough to make me read on.
ReplyDeleteWhat Lady Glamis said. Your imagery is wonderful.
ReplyDeleteI too like the idea, although I agree with Inky that a bit more context would help--and also, not sure how recognizing them but they are unfamiliar works. Still. I'm a sucker for memory issues/mind games so I'd read on a bit more. ;)
ReplyDelete~Merc