Rose Connolly comes from four generations of famously beautiful women. Her great-great grandmother was the first spokes-model for the most successful cosmetics company in America, and that title has been passed down from mother to daughter for one hundred years. On her sixteenth birthday, it's Rose's turn - except Rose has gained fifty pounds in the past three months. Her mother has hired a personal trainer and put her on a rigid schedule. But, no matter how little she eats or how hard she works, the weight just isn’t coming off. If something doesn’t happen soon, how will she be able to face the entire country on her birthday?
Hmmm, it's pretty good for YA. I like the sense of conflict and tension.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't quite grab me... I'm usually looking for things more in the spec fiction areas, so this is just me. Okay, and I like a few more explosions. ;)
I did remember reading an excerpt from this, though, so I might read if I'd flipped it open and skimmed a few pages. :)
Nicely done blurb.
~Merc
I might look through the first few pages to see *why* Rose has gained weight but unless it's something new and exciting I'd probably skip, it's just not my genre.
ReplyDeleteI think this would be a cute YA book, and could even work as chic lit depending on how you wrote it. There is definitly potential to redefine beautiful, which I'm all in favor of, but I'm not sure it's something I would read unless my friends recommended the book to me.
I think it's a good YA topic for sure, but I'm not personally grabbed because I'm thinking, oh dear, is this YA chick-lit? Which I'm personally not into. Though to be fair, I feel that this blurb presents the conflict very well.
ReplyDeleteI'm remembering the excerpt you posted from this novel, and it was definitely a draw-you-in scene with tension that you could really feel. So I know this story has promise!
I really like the set up here. There seems to be plenty of opportunity for conflict, and I would like to read more.
ReplyDeleteThe blurb could be punched up a bit- I'd like to see a little of the voice used in the story. Is it funny? Dark? It's hard to get from just a few lines, but I'd like to get a tiny bit of the main character's personality. That would be the deciding factor in weather I would continue to read this or not.
I love this! Yes, I'm hooked. Being a woman, and having a few extra pounds to lose myself 8^), I want to see Rose succeed! My only suggestion would be to up the stakes. Ridicule and embarrassment is one thing, but if it's bumped up a notch to whether or not Rose will inherit the business based on whether or not she loses the weight, you could tip the scales to make it a must-buy (pun intended. Snort).
ReplyDeleteI'll tailor my comment since I am actually reading this book right now (and yes, trust me, you'd want to read it!) to the small suggestion that I think the pull to read would be stronger if instead you state how much she weighs instead of saying she needs to lose 50. The 50 pounds is her trainer's goal, not what she actually needs to lose, right? (Especially in her parents eyes.)
ReplyDeleteI think the stakes would be higher too if you hone more on the impossible expectations of her parents and her weight loss. Rose has never really been a child in the normal sense. She's always been a queen in the making. I'd like to see that come out a touch more--we want to feel that she must absolutely rebel against these impossible standard and impossible weight loss, and buy the book to see if she does it.
*Angela is very excited by this book*
You've certainly set up the conflict well, but my personal reaction was 'why does she have to lose weight to be beautiful?' I would hope you're pushing the message that she doesn't, but that doesn't come across to me, so no, I probably wouldn't read it.
ReplyDeleteThanks all for the great comments. Writing a blurb is definitely NOT among my strengths, so I *really* appreciate the suggestions. :)
ReplyDeleteAnd Angela, once again your suggestions excite and inspire me! How do you do it? Oh, I don't care. Just keep doing it! :)
Glad it helped. Now if only it worked on my own stuff...*grabs Merc's flamethrower and sets Merlin blurb on fire*
ReplyDelete"four generations of famously beautiful women"
ReplyDeleteThis turned me off a bit. Mostly because media is such a barrage of mostly naked anemic women shoved in my face and purported to be beautiful, I flipped the "here we go again" switch near instantly.
"Rose has gained fifty pounds"
Why? What's going on in her life that has her so bent out of shape?
How is she coping with the pressures of living up to these expectations? Drugs? Boyfriends? Tantrums?
As you can see, it piqued some interest, but I'd like to hear a bit more of the conflict in the blurb, to see if it really interested me before I'd bite.
I guess at this point I'd break open the book and have a peek at the writing. And that's something!